LEAVING TODAY!!! :) oh yeah! ROCK OF AGES is gonna ROCK!

*sigh* This week is over, it has been a good, but HORRIBLY busy week. Tomorrow I get to go on my second road trip of the semester and go to an AMAZING concert! Very excited. God has been so good to me, so loving, forgiving, so amazing.... *sigh* even though things are hard, life is very very good!
Asb

How good is God?

My God is so good
So strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God can not do (for you!)

Simple kids praise songs are running through my head, and they make me happy (not ones like "Father Abe" but ones w/ good theology in them) How good is our God? How strong and mighty is He? What things can He not do? As God is continuing to challenge and streach me and break me in pretty much every aspet of my life, I will continue to praise His name and depend on Him for my foundation, becauses there's nothing my God can no do!

There's something, about the mountains....

The retreat was AMAZING!
There's something, about the mountains....
I know its a mis-quote, however it is so true!

This weekend was AMAZING! The stars, I saw 5 shooting stars! It was insane, I climbed a waterfall, layed in the middle of the street star gazing, had some AMAZING conversations w/ people, and hung out w/ my Savior. It was such an awesome weekend where God challenged me and stretched me alot. As I continue to process what He showed me this weekend, I will say He renewed a passion for people that I have been seriously lacking latly. I have avoided my friends, avioded conversations, avoided lots of things, for different reasons. However, people is one thing that I am going to stop avoiding... and start pursuing again. Inisigating one-on-ones, really getting to know people's hearts and trueselves. So if any of you reading this would like a "one-on-one" consider this an invite. (I do have 2 HUGE exams this week, one being a mid-term) so know it may not happen soon, but it will happen!

Good bye for now

Sooo I leave in and hour and a half for this thing called an Ambassador's retreat... it should be fun... key being should, I have 2 HUGE exams this week both on Thursday, so needless to say, instead of hanging out with everyone, I will be burring my head in a book durring all of the free time EXCEPT the hike, bucause thats just awesome! lol I should be back sunday, but if you all could keep me in your prayers this weekend, especially Sunday afternoon, that would rock (I have issues in car rides, we were in a accident last year) so ya ttyl!
Ash

Please pray

So, God is really awesome. It is so like Him to use my Sunday school lesson to smack me upside the head, and then to really show me at Singspo what He meant. The story today was the tower or babble… and how people thought their plans were better than Gods… We each have our own towers of babble, things that we don't ask God about, and things that we just do with out consulting Him. My line of thought has always been, God I'm serving you, see? Not, Lord, where do you want me to serve you? As far as my current role of service, the church that I'm at needs me, but I'm not sure that is where God wants me… I never really asked Him what He wanted me to do… I just assumed that since the doors were flying open, that I was supposed to go through them and that It was God opening them, I had all these reasons why I should do this internship, things like how good it would look on my resume, the great experience it would be, the coolness of being mentored by someone whom was mentored by my dad. It was nothing like what God was really calling me too. As I am praying for this matter, please pray for discernment in this matter. I would really like for God's will to take place and not mine, for His plans are so much better than I could ever make for myself. I want His will not mine. I really haven't been seeking His will, I have just been being…and living un-dependent on my Lord and Savior. Now I'm not saying that I need to quit my internship, but I really need to sort out if it is what God is wanting for me in my life right now. Also, my home church is currently suffering and I feel a longing to be there and help… Is this from God? Please pray for me as I am praying for God's guidance. Thanks!

Ash

WARNING LONG DATING RANT:

My responsces and questions raised by these to articles... (read the articals before replying please, it will make more sence)

Interesting article on women dating and still being single
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001135.cfm

Defending the previous article
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001145.cfm

What is the balance of putting your self in situations where you can possibly get married, while still being continent?

How do you live life being happy where you are and still longing for more?

How do you present your self in today culture as "available and looking" but dependent on the Lord, while keeping yourself from looking like a store window w/ a "Sale" sign on it?

Is it possible to portray yourselves to guys as a girl who is content w/ who she is but wants more, with out scarring a guy away or sending mixed signals?

If you are genuinely around guys that you could see as "potential husbands" and are NEVER asked out by a man, how are you supposed to take this article. (one of my friends has never been asked out, is an AMAZING Christian woman who longs to be married, but has never even come close to having an opportunity)

Why does dating and marriage in the Christian culture today have to be so dang confusing? Why does it have to be that everyone has an option on the subject and there is no end to it. The real problem here is, that there are so many "Christian" ideas out there on how men and women should act, weather it be dating, courtship, women being content as singles and using this "special season" to be more intimate w/ God, women putting themselves in situations where they can get husbands before its too late, men taking the initiative, women taking the initiative…no wonder everyone is confused and no one knows how to act and what to do. I have read tons of Christian dating books that all have a different way of going about this, a different way of viewing scriptures, a different method…. What is with that?

This whole thing is so frustrating to me… I long to be married, but that isn’t where I am right now, and so I need to be content in that. How do I show that I am content in my life right now with out being the two extremes:

1) Acting like "hey guys I'm available"

2) Being "so content" that guys don't want to approach me because they think I'm happy where I am and so why bother?

This is an interesting point and raises interesting questions several which I will ask and hopefully get back to answering these later.

1) what is the balance a Christian woman should have while being content w/ her current life and identity in Christ and showing that she is looking for something more?

2) How should Christian men go about pursuing the opposite sex?

3) How should this "pursuing" take place, and what should it look like?

4) How am I supposed to act as a single woman living in today's society? (ie should I focus on my carrer and hope God brings a man my way? Should I put my self in places I am most likely to find a guy? Should I focus on God, which always should be my focus, but in a more only me and God kind of way. Should I make it known that I am "available and looking? ect)

More to come when I have time later

So I still avoid the lobby, I don't mean to really, I just do… Maybe its me, maybe I just don't fit in any more, or maybe I am avoiding people still… which is a possibility. I just don't really know how to feel… I am so frazzled, so upset, so sad, so joyus, so everything at once I don't know how to react. I have so much to be thankful for and so much to morn. I just am so unsure of myself that I don’t know what to do, or how to act.

Lord,

Help me I don't know anything about me. You know me better than I could ever know myself. You know every moment, every thought, every word, every everything I know or do. Please help me to trust you more, and lean on you so that you are the one supporting my every step. You are my air, you are my life, you are my everything… help me to live like I really believe that. Praise you Father for you are good.

In Jesus name,

Ash

So I still avoid the lobby, I don't mean to really, I just do… Maybe its me, maybe I just don't fit in any more, or maybe I am avoiding people still…

So I still avoid the lobby, I don't mean to really, I just do… Maybe its me, maybe I just don't fit in any more, or maybe I am avoiding people still… which is a possibility. I just don't really know how to feel… I am so frazzled, so upset, so sad, so joyus, so everything at once I don't know how to react. I have so much to be thankful for and so much to morn. I just am so unsure of myself that I don’t know what to do, or how to act.

Lord,

Help me I don't know anything about me. You know me better than I could ever know myself. You know every moment, every thought, every word, every everything I know or do. Please help me to trust you more, and lean on you so that you are the one supporting my every step. You are my air, you are my life, you are my everything… help me to live like I really believe that. Praise you Father for you are good.

In Jesus name,

Ash

So I discoverd this weekend that my mom has to have another back surgury... I think that is what is bothering me the most right now... well ya its a long story but we have been fighting Workmans Comp for 7 years to get her the proper treatment... however, they keep being huge pains. If you could keep my family in your prayers that would be awesome. The first surgery had my mom in bed for a month strait... we had to rent a hospital bed and keep it in the living room so she could be a part of the family and so she could get out of bed. I had seeing my mom in pain... and i know she is in alot. Lets hope she can find a Dr, who will tell WC the results of the tests, and that she can find a good surgen, since hers moved down here and she needs to do post- op things w/ a dr. Though maybe she could crash in my room (j/k Mandy and Laura)... :) But ya, Dan is leaving siren...My friends are hurting and I can't help... I need sleep... huge project due 2morrow and I feel like I have done absolutely nothing... again, tons to do... I must run sleep is what I need now. Please keep me and my family in your prayers... this is a very hard, and emotional time for me.

I am so sad and totally bummed right now, I find out today that my college pastor is leaving, and tomorrow is his last day. I have no possible way to get home, because my parent's told me that I'm not allowed to drive, or to take my car. What is the point of me even having a dang car unless i'm allowed to use it? I mean come on! I am so hurt and sad right now, it is unbeleivable. If I wasn't so scared of the San Bernidino bus stop I would totally take the Grey Hound... but no it isn't a good idea. I wish that I could feel a peace w/ me staying home but I don't. My heart aches for my home church body, and longs to be with them durring this sensitive time. I want to see Kelly and Dan one more time in the church that I have called my own for the majority of my life. I want to hug my brothers and sisters in Christ who are greiving this loss to our community. Dan has meant so much to me in my spiritual life, it is hard to see him go... I always took it for granted that I could come home and waltz into his office or hear him on a sunday nite... but now he is gone, and my parent's aren't letting me say goodbye... I have too many past regreats of not saying goodbye so this is the hardest thing in the world for me...I don't know how to handle it. Lord, make me better...
Ash

chapel today

Another Chapel post... hmmm interesting

Today we walked in to chapel in silence and were told to prepare our hearts... I spent some of it in prayer some of it trying to figure something out that have been going on in my own life(ask me and I will tell you, some of you may or may not know). The last annaligy really got me, because it is SOOO true in my life. Only .1% of the levies (pretty sure I spelled that wrong) broke in New Orleans causing the massive devistation. In regards to the last chapter of Phillipians... if we let one little thing cloud our minds or our hearts... it could mean massive devistation. The enemy is always looking for the perfect moment when your gaurd is down and when you can simply slip up. The Evil one is always watching and waiting to get you when you are down or not expecting it... Lord, I have had so many little slip ups that could have been truly devistating. Thank you for protecting me from the worst. Help me to always live as if Heaven is my home, and always focus on you. Keeping my life in line w/ your word and living your will for my life, no matter what that is. Its not for my glory but for yours that I live my life, help me to remember that. I love you Lord
In Jesus name,
Amen

Worship

I am guilty, actually we all are. Yet God is faithful, He is soo worthy to be praised. How is it that we spend our days doing things that don't involve Him at all? For some reason I can't seem to figure it out. Everything we do could be worship unto God, but it isn't. He is so worthy of our praise, and so merciful to us. Why do we worship other things. Look at your life, take a good look at it... I'll bet you that there is something in it that you find, "more worthy" than God, and by this I mean you talk constantly about your new beau, you strive to be the richest, you strive to look the best, to have the best things, to have the fastest car, the newest game system, the newest and best whatever. We as humans spend so much of our time doing things, and worrying about things that just don't matter. Should I care about my grades and do my best yes, but does this mean I sacrifice my relationship w/ God to get the A? Can studying be a form of worship? You are what you do... How am I spending my time? As a student of course I'm studying, and hanging out w/ friends, but in how much of this am I praising my Lord and Savior? How much more I could be serving Him! Oh how much more I could be praising Him... yet I don't.... why???
Lord, I want to love you with my whole heart, and I know that in this earth it may or may not be posible, but I want to strive to put you on the throne every singel day of my life, and continue to surrender all to you, surrender everything, even the things that I have not even considered giving to you, I pray that you find them and take them. I am scared because I know that this is going to be hard, but I know that you are faithful and worthy to be praised and you deserve my all. My everything is yours, always. Help me to live each day to love and serve you more than the one before that I might show the world your glory.
In Jesus presious name,
Amen

why oh why do guys suck? Ok not really... but yes... ahhhh

chapel today

How am I living??? Who are my hero's? Am I joyful in all situations? Who do I belong to? So in chapel today God challenged me. I look up to alot of people I shouldn't. I am not one to be "oh my gosh she is so famous, I want to be just like her" But I have been known to be like, "She is so pretty, I wish I could look like her" but God reminded me today that, IT DOESN'T MATTER!!! My life is not my own, it is His. I am a slave to Christ, I have nothing, I am nothing. This semester feels like it is just going to fly by, it feels as if anything I do will just be something I do and not something to futher His kingdom. I have said some goals of this semester are t be 1) more disipaned in some ways and 2) to be more spontanious, and not such a scheduall freak. I know that these seem to clash, but I think I need a healthy dose of both right now. But first and formost my goal this semester will be Christ, really learning what it means to be His completly and acting that out. This is going to be very hard, because it means that I have to pay attention to every thought, every word, every action and make sure they are all glorifying to Christ. Is it possible? All things are possible through Christ who streanghtens me -Phillipians 4:13 This is going to be an intresting journy this semester, as I continue to grow and mold into the person God is calling me to be. He is challenging me and pushing me farther than I thought possible, but He is good, and I will rejoice always in Him. To my lobby friends... Thank you for being here for me, I love you all!

so today...

Many good things happend!!!

...I had an actual phone conversation with my brother and that wasn't just at surface level!!!
...I spent a glorious hour in Creek park, reading and writing in my journal
...I spoke w/ Janelle in French, and went for a "coffe talk" w/ her
...I went for Coldstones w/ Shelley
...I had no classes
...I spent time reading and relaxing
...I got med's to help me feel better
...I am learning more and more about my wonderful Savior
...I started Ambassador's again today
...I worked (yes this is a good thing)
...I did NO school work!
...I got to spend some time w/ friends

Yes today was a good day indeed... Even though there is a TON of drama in my life, I praise God for the good things and will remember even when days are seemingly horrible, there is always a list of praises and good things because I serve a good and perfect God.

Be thou my vision...
*sigh*
How often in my life to I lose sight of God? How often do I not let Him be my vision, and let Him be my everything...I am so selfish, so self-centerd, so focused on other things. I get caught up in the moment and don't pay attention to anything eles but what is there in the moment. I don't do the things I should, I don't do what I know is right, nor what I know I am supposed to be. Then I scream at the top of my lungs, "God where are you?" When He isn't the one who really left. It was me. I am the one who left, and turned my back on Him. This happened recently in a relationship with a dear friend, I didn't move, I'm standing in the same place with open arms, but no matter how far I chase her, it just causes her to push away more, and cause me more pain. I finally had to tell her that I am here waiting w/ open arms. How often do I do that to God. He is standing there watching me do things I shouldn't or moving away from Him, and He isn't the one who has moved when I get lost, and try to blame Him. Its my own fault, and the emince pain that must cause Him has moved me to tears, because now I understand it. Watching someone you love so much, move away from you (both literally and figuratively) and only she is the one who can turn back. She is the one who left and you are stuck, you physicaly can't do anything to bring her back, all you can do is wait and pray for her to see the way, and make it back safely. Lord for all the time's I have done this to you I am truly sorry. Help me to do it no more and help me to serve you and see you always as the Lord of my life in everything I do and see. Praise you Lord for who you are and what you have done for me. You are amazing Lord. Thank you! I love you, and want to serve you more.
Ash

Ok... so I'm working on it

I am trying to see how I like this whole "blogger" deal. Honestly, it seems to take more time than xanga... so I don't know how worth it, it is...but maybe I could post a few of my rants on here... and get some feed back? Well we will see how it goes, see you all later!

So I finally did it

I FINALLY moved to blogger.... so we will totally see how long this lasts but as of right now, I may or may not keep it we will see... I am board @ work and now i have things to do so I'll be back...