A new chapter

As I sit here in Panera composing this blog, it is hard for me to sit still.  I now have an extra day off each week as my hours at work have been cut.  This is in no way easy for a person who is usually active and leads a full life.  It is not mearly the loss of income that has affected me, but the loss of career growth.  Since returning from maternity leave nearly a year ago, my work has not been the same.  It is frustrating, because I LOVE my job.  Honestly, even with all of the changes in the past 10 months, I still get great joy out of ministering to children and families.  This is my full time calling, and passion.  I also have a passion to train others to do so, even more effectively than myself.  Now, I must stomach the fact that it is no longer a "full time" position.  I woke up at 5 am this morning, thinking of all of the things still left undone at work.  Unable to complete my tasks in the allotted time.  How can they expect the same level and amount of work (and even then some) from me by taking away 8 precious hours of preparation time?  When I was "full time" I nearly always worked 40+ hours.  The last and first week of the month are always my busiest due to scheduling the next month, wrapping up the past month and a once per month event.  It kills me that things are undone at work and I feel guilty about slaking off in serving God.  Yet, I must honor these new time boundaries placed on me, and demonstrate that it is not possible to do the level of ministry I have been doing with less hours.  Praying that the powers to be will see that those hours are needed, and perhaps at some point, they will return to me.

In the mean time, we are faced with a rather serious income drop.  20% of my income is gone, which is the stable, bread winning income of our family.  I am face with a few options.  Attempting to Substitute teach a few days a week, craft things and attempt to sell them on etsy, work my blogs up to a point where they an generate some income via advertisements etc. or start a new side business.  At this point, I am unsure of what to do.  I am hesitant to go back to subbing, fearing that I will be tempted to complete my credential (2, maybe 3 quarters left) and leave ministry.  I know that God has called me to minister to children, and feel strongly of his calling is in the local church right now.  I don't wish to be tempted by a good paycheck, and "easier" job.  I know teaching isn't easy, but it is WAY easier than being in ministry.  I think I will leave that option towards the end, only if my husband and I really get stuck for money.

I would like to explore other creative avenues.  I have never had time to actually put into any of my creative endeavors.  I have always had things in my way.  For example, I have always wanted to write a book.  I used to fill up journals with short stories, creative tales and whimsical characters.  I have wanted for the past 5 years to participate in National Novel Writing Month, which happens each November, the goal to write 50,000 words in the month of a new story.  The first two years I was in college, and let's face it, that is a horrible idea near the end of the semester.  The next year, I was doing grad work towards my teaching credential and Masters, as well as working full time.  The next year, I had no excuse, other than I totally forgot, and was enjoying newlywed bliss.  Last year, I was due 11/13 and at first though I could do most if it while on maternity leave.  I had a sweet friend remind me that I should not plan to do anything, but bond with my baby.  Good call.  However this year, not only do I not have an excuse, I even have the help of an extra day.  I know its a crazy dream to write, and actually make any money doing so, but honestly, I am doing this for me as a creative outlet and if it goes beyond that to help support my family, awesome.  If not, then I feel this outlet will help make me a better wife and mom, as I have actually done something for me.

I think I will also use some of the time to work on my house, and blogs, as well as craft and perhaps sell some of it on etsy and maybe make a few tutorials for youtube.  Long story short, I'm going to look at this situation as a blessing of time, rather than a demotion and pay cut.  I know that God will provide financially, as hard and difficult as it my be to make cuts to our already tight budget.  I am choosing to look at this as an opportunity, a new chapter in my life to dabble in things that make me happy, to encourage and surround my soul with beauty that I am normally to busy to see or experience.

I am so blessed to have a husband who is going to help make this work, by keeping our son in daycare full time. The biggest problem is if we take him out of full time, there is a wait list of at least 3 kids right now to take is spot.  There are also, no part time openings.  This daycare is a home daycare, and is AMAZING.  It is also the cheapest by far (we are talking by at least $500 per month), it would actually be more expensive for me to put him into another day care for 3 days a week rather than leaving him at this one full time.  This will also allow me the flexibility to start subbing at any time we need to again, or if I find another secondary position.  I am so thankful for his support in this, and am trying to come up with a way to at least make a little bit of money on the side to help out some more.

I would love for you to join me in prayer during the beginning of this new chapter in my life.  Pray that God would continue to provide for our family (as He always has), and that I would follow His lead on how to spend my bonus day to enrich my life and soul in a way I have never taken the time before.

Thank you dear friends.

Life

Life has been crazy.  The main thing preventing me from blogging aside, from lack of time is the fact that my computer met an early demise.  It was going to cost nearly half the price of a new one to fix, and so instead we chose to fix up my brother's old lap top on the cheap, but we have had internet issues and been unable to upload photo's this whole time.  Now I'm hoping that I will be able to get back to blogging so here are just a few pics of what we have been up to.

Sharing some hot tamales with Grandpa

Helping Daddy with the laundry

Swimming in the pool

Grandpa let me drive.

Had lots of fun on crazy hair day.

 For a few days, this sock was our favorite thing to cary around.

 We had a first trip to D-land

 We also started taking Big Boy bath's, and have SOOO much fun doing it!

Day 24

Day 24: A photo of what you want to be when you grow up

I want to be an awesome cooking, crafting, cleaning homemaker.  A skill I am working on.

Day 23

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post)
Day 23: A photo of something you want to do someday

Totally cheese I know, but I really want to do it!

Day 22

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 22: A photo that you associate a good memory with

 At 7am once a week, we would pry our college bodies out of bed and meet in our dorm lobby for Bible study.  We would then walk to the Cafe and enjoy breakfast together and fellowship.  This picture represents many fabulous times, of laughter, crying and growth with these fabulous ladies.

Day 21

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 21: A photo of somebody you find attractive.

My hubby will kill me for posting this picture.  

If you are so inclined, you may want to avert your eyes.  

This is fair warning that the picture you are about to see is of my shirtless hubby.

My hot & sexy man.  Hands off ladies he is mine!

Day 20

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).
Day 20: A photo of something you ate today

Day 19

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 19: a photo of your favorite thing from school

It's a tie:

Flying Rubber Chicken Ball

Philosopher's Ball

Disneyland

I loved college can't you tell?

Day 18

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 18: A photo of your town

This is the view you see on the way in/out of the valley.  Beautiful no?

Day 17

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).
Day 17: a photo from a trip you'll never forget

Kenya.  My heart longs to go back and to minister to these children who so desperately need food, clothes, shelter, love and above all... Christ.

Day 16

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 16: A photo from your childhood

All I'm going to say is 3D's 4ever

Day 15

Day 15: A photo of you and a family member

This is me and my cousin Jessica.  She died when I was 17 and she was 19.  We were close, she was the sister I never had.  The person I was trying to be more like (much to my parents dismay).  Her life and death have had a profound impact on me and who I am today.

Day 14

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 14: A photo your best friend(s).

I don't really have one best friend, so...

Again I'm cheating (posting many pictures)...

Some of my fabulous girls who are lifetime friends from college.  

Ignore how huge I am, I was 37 weeks pregnant in this pic.

Extra gal pal love from college friends and my desert girl (love em!)

Best couple friends EVER!  Can't wait to go on vacation with them next December!

My growing up friends.  

One friends since we were 4, one friends since 1st grade and the other, friends since 7th.  

Day 13

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 13: A photo of one of your favorite movies

Ok, so this is the start of one of my favorite scenes from one of my top 5 movies.

Bonus points if you can name the movie, but I LOVE IT.

Day 12

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 12: A photo of when you were happy

Here are me with some of my friends after I graduated college. I was so ready to be done. I was so excited to be out. Even though I LOVED college and all of the amazing friends I met there. I miss and love you all. SIGMA LOBBY CREW FOREVER!

Day 11

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 11: A photo of a night you loved

This is right after the hubby proposed to me, it was a fabulous night. One to remember always.

Day 9

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 9: A photo of yourself when you were a baby

Ok, everyone say "aww"

This was taken on the beach of Hawaii, the ONLY time I have ever been. So obviously I have no memory of it. Hopefully it will be fixed in the future.

Day 8

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 8: A photo of something you enjoy doing.

We love playing games... can you tell? This was over a year ago and the pile has grown even more.

Day 7

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 7: A photo of something you stand for

I stand for Jesus. He is my Savior and friend. He loves everyone in the world, even the children.

Day 6

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post)

Day 6: A photo of someone you love

This mama loves her boys! (even my dad in the background)

Day 5

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post)

Day 5: A photo that makes you laugh

My hubby was practicing diapering on our poor unsuspecting cat. Hysterical. Oh yes, that reminds me anyone want him? We can't take him to our new place and haven't found him a home yet.

Day 4

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post)

Day 4: A photo of a place you'd like to visit

Today I am going to kinda cheat by posting MORE than one picture. You see I couldn't decide where I wanted to go more..

...or here.

Considering those are both fictional places, my "real" place is currently Australia.

Day 3

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 3: A photo that makes you happy

This guy squeals and giggles at me whenever he sees me right now. It melts my heart and he makes me smile (except when he wants to eat at 3am, I am not smiling then).

Day 2

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 2: A photo of yourself at least a year ago

This is me during our 12 hour layover in London (from Kenya to LA). We got off the plane at 5/6ish pm and raced to see a bit of London.

July 2007

Day 1

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 1: A photo of you

Me doing one of my favorite things! Taking a nap w/ my son.

30 days of pictures

I am going to be refocusing this blog. I have tried not to turn it into a "mommy blog", but I'm a mom now, and most of the things I have to say are about that. I am trying to become better at domestic type things (cooking, sewing, cleaning, crafts, decorating etc) and reading a ton of blogs to that effect currently. While I am trying to figure out what to do I'm going to do a 30 day photo challenge. Enjoy and I will hopefully return with some focus to this blog, and maybe a personal touch I feel that it has been lacking.

Here is the layout of what is to come for the next 30 days:

Day one: a photo of you.
Day two: a photo of yourself at least a year ago.
Day three: a photo that makes you happy.
Day four: a photo of a place you’d like to visit.
Day five: a photo that makes you laugh.
Day six: a photo of someone you love.
Day seven: a photo of something you stand for.
Day eight: a photo of something you enjoy doing.
Day nine: a photo of yourself when you were a baby.
Day ten: any photo you like for any reason.
Day eleven: a photo of a night you loved.
Day twelve: a photo of when you were happy.
Day thirteen: a photo of one of your favorite movies.
Day fourteen: a photo of your best friend (s).
Day fifteen: a photo of you and a family member.
Day sixteen: a photo from your childhood.
Day seventeen: a photo from a trip you’ll never forget.
Day eighteen: a photo of your town.
Day nineteen: a photo of your favorite thing from school.
Day twenty: a photo of something you ate today.
Day twenty-one: a photo of somebody you find attractive.
Day twenty-two: a photo that you associate a good memory with.
Day twenty-three: a photo of something you want to do someday.
Day twenty-four: a photo of what you want to be when you grow up.
Day twenty-five: a photo that inspires you.
Day twenty-six: a photo of your favorite subject in school.
Day twenty-seven: a photo of something you are looking forward to.
Day twenty-eight: a photo of something/somebody that made your day.
Day twenty-nine: a photo of your favorite person from history.
Day thirty: a photo you find beautiful

fan wear

So we are getting back a fair amount of our taxes this year due to our fabulous bundle of joy. While I will not disclose the exact amount, it did cause both Matt and I to go, kiss him and thank him. But who am I kidding, I will kiss that kid just because he smiles at me.

Anyways, I recently stumbled on an etsy shop, and it is AMAZING. I want EVERYTHING. Ok, so maybe I don't want everything. I want it in the sense that it is really freaking awesome, but I'm already trying to get rid of extra "stuff" we have and declutter our homes. Anyways here are a few of my favorite things from this shop (go there for more fabulousness), perhaps I could talk the hubby into just one small item, especially if it is for him.

Can't you just see Matt wearing this shirt? (HAHAHAHA)

Couldn't you see this hanging in my kitchen?

Or a scarf with my FAVORITE literary proposal on it? *swoon*

I :heart: pride and prejudice! This is some pretty cool stuff, I'm just saying. No, I do not know the owner of this etsy shop. No, I am not receiving anything for writing this. I'm just sharing some cool stuff I came across.

A new find

I love antiques. A day spent in antique shops makes me one happy girl. My boss brought this to the office, and offered it to the staff, I took it in a heart beat. I'm excited to find it a new home once we move. Perhaps my nightstand.

We are getting a new place!!!

'

We are going to move on April 15th. We have our deposit down, and our first 1/2 months rent turned in and are ready to rock! All we have to do is give our "official" written 30 day notice to our current place (they already know we are moving), pack, un pack and then clean our old place like crazy so we don't get dinged too bad for our security deposit. Which is why there is a 2 week overlap. We have a 2 week window in which to move, and clean the old place which is super nice.

The new place is about 2 miles from work (perfect so that I can come home for lunch) as well as just over 1 mile from my folks. I really didn't think we could move any closer, but we seem to have managed.

I am super excited to get a fresh slate and organize/decorate this place. It is gonna be awesome! I just may be blogging about that for awhile. Anyone know where we can get some free boxes?

Forgive my absence...

...however, it is hard to create a meaningful posts when all I want to do is play with this little one every chance I get.

So the last week has been insane!

The past week has been crazy and fun!

Monday 2/14:

My hubby and I had a quiet dinner at home and went out for froyo together with our little one. I had the most amazing roses and we exchanged cards. We also stopped by my parents to see my uncle who had flown in the previous night from South Dakota.

Tuesday 2/15:

Life group! We had a new couple and are super excited to have them join our group!

Wednesday 2/16:

My work day, at the church until 8:30, then home and getting the little one to bed.

Thursday 2/17:

Went to my parents strait after work as my Aunt had flown in from South Dakota the previous night and spent the evening with family. We didn't leave until after 9pm

Friday 2/18:

Ran errands, and hung out with my family all day. Aunt and Uncle from Seattle flew in, and so ALL of my dad's siblings w/ their respective spouse and parents were all staying at my parents house. So the hanging out went late into the night.

Saturday 2/19:

Went to my brother's big basketball game, and MAN was it a GREAT game. We beat the undefeated team in our league. We haven't beaten them for the last 6 years, and it was a HUGE upset. The game was SO loud I had to take the little man out to the lobby because he couldn't take the noise. We then got home at 1am

Sunday 2/20:

I left for work at 7, and Max was getting dedicated (pictures to come). So we had TONS of family, and I was also working so it was insane. The pastor (my boss) who married us, pronounced our last name wrong! I so though I was over that when I got married to an "easy" last name but apparently not. lol.

Monday 2/21:

Matt and I had the day off together! First one in like a month and for the next month. We spent it apartment shopping as our lease is up at the end of next month. If we want to give a 3o day notice we have until next monday to do so. It was a long and stressful day, ending w/ dinner at my parents again.

Basically we spent the whole week w/ family at my parents and got home late and totally messed up our poor little man's sleeping pattern. :( Hopefully we will get it back on track this week. I have tons to blog about, and lots of pictures, once they get loaded/ I get them from others.

We all need love from different places

I don't want to bum anyone out on Valentine's Day, but this is where my heart is, and I feel like I just need to pour it out. I really don't want to guilt trip anyone (that seriously is NOT what this is about), I don't want to be "that girl" who stirs things up. I just need to say what is on my heart.

I am lonely. I feel isolated. I feel like the only people I can talk to are Matt and my mom.

I have still yet to make some good friends out here in the desert. I wrote the linked to post a year ago, and it is still true to this day, except it is worse. I no do not have that life group.

Last year, Matt and I decided to start a new life group. Ours was getting really full, and we felt like starting a new one would be the right thing to do, also with the coming child, we figured having a group at our place would be easier than me getting off work, packing up the baby, grabbing fast food on the way, driving 25-30 min, staying for 1.5-2.5 hours and coming back home late. The only problem is we have a group of flakes. Of our only 4 meetings 2x's no one has shown up. The other 2x's there was me, Matt, and one other person (a different one each time). So no life group to connect with. We are still building, and supposedly, we are getting a new couple tonight. What sucks is that I have to hear about lunch plans/girls nights/other fun things that our old life group is doing but I am not a part of. It just sucks.

Also, many of my friends have made/suggested plans but they are never followed through on. Usually it is something that I should not be a part of planning (say something like a baby shower/birthday celebration type of thing), so it isn't my place to push it. Or I try and make plans, but the other person is unresponsive/busy/life happens etc. So I feel like I really am putting out an effort, but I've got nothing.

Phone calls/IM/Facebook ect, can only do so much. I need a coffee talking friend. Someone who I can still down and we can pour our hearts out to each other. Someone who I can actually tell things to and it wont go any further than their ears. A kindred spirit who I can do a old movie night with, and talk about life. A shopping partner, a walking buddy, another mommy who can understand why you sometimes smell like sour milk. I don't even have to have all of these things in one, I will take different people to fill these spots. The problem is, I currently have all of them open, and my poor hubby can only watch so many musicals, and can only walk around the mall so many times.

All of this is augmented by stupid postpartum "baby blues" and going back to work. Oh ya, work. New position, = new people = no relationships yet = no connections.

So bottom line, with in the few months, I have had a baby, lost my life group, lost my ministry (and all of the people I connected with), gone back to work and the "new"life group and ministry I have no connections with.

On top of the fact that I STILL don't have good friends in the desert.

I am lonely. I love my hubby and family and don't "need" friends but at the same time, I really do.

5 years ago today, I cancelled...

Exactly 5 years ago, I was a sophomore at Biola University. I had spent the last 11 months single, and loving developing relationships with my friends. Many of these relationships are still important to me today. 5 years ago I had a planed trip to Disneyland with a fellow classmate/major friend (Major as in college degree not anything more than that, at least not yet..). I had a pass, and he had recently gotten one, and we talked about getting a group together and going one day...

The day was a friday (my no class day) and I was enjoying late lunch with some friends when we got a phone call that one of our floor mates was in the ER again, and really needed some support. We all ran back to our rooms, packed up a few waiting room essentials, and hoped in the car. As we were pulling off campus, I made a phone call and left a message for the friend I was supposed to meet, explaining that I was not going to make it because I needed to support a friend in the hospital and we could reschedule. It was less than 1/2 an hour before I was supposed to meet him. I felt horrible for canceling, I remember siting in the back of my roommates car having this, "I should go" feeling. Then as we were a few blocks from campus I we got a call saying she was going to be released in an hour and there was no reason to come over. We turned around, and I left another voicemail un-canceling the Disney trip w/ my friend.

That Disneyland trip is my most significant ever. The part was practically empty, we went on a ton of rides MULTIPLE times together. The first time we went on the matterhorn, the castmember forgot to ask "together or separate" (something that to this day, has never happened to me again), and placed us in the coster together. We talked, had fun, and somewhere along the way, it turned into flirting. I am in no way a flirt, but it felt so natural, so fun. It lead to lots of "lobby dwelling" with friends....

Which then 4 years ago today, lead to a Disney proposal in front of the castle right before the firework show. (I know its lame, but it was my total dream.)

Which finally after a ridiculously long engagement, 2.5 years later lead to our wedding,

and now a full fledged family.

I am so thankful I didn't cancel that Disney trip. I totally had placed Matt in the "friend only box", I am so thankful that that trip allowed me to let him out and see how perfect we were for each other. Because of the way it happened, I have always held true to the fact that our relationship is the result of the famous "Disney Magic". (OK, so I know that isn't REALLY true, but hey, it makes it a more fun story). With valentines day just a few short days way, I love that I can look back this time of year, and remember how we fell in love and the crazy wonderful journey we have started together. I can't wait to see where the next many years lead.

This picture made me cry...

How can this picture make me cry? Well it is very simple. 3 years ago when I was in Kenya, we visited the smallest home I have ever seen. A king bed would not have even fit in it, that was how small it was. The four of us visiting could not even all fit inside it. The woman who lived there had 2 young children and a new infant. She had no food, no way to provide milk for her baby, because she was HIV positive. She could not get any of the help she so desperately needed. We brought her a backpack full of food, some meat, mostly rice and beans with some local greenery. She was sick at the time. Honestly it felt like she had given up hope. But that is why we were there, to give her hope, to come along side of her and encourage her. To give her and her children a chance.

Today, on Christ's Hope International (the ministry we went with, who supports these people all year long) had this picture on their blog. I recognized her instantly, her face was not one I would easily forget. Except now, she has hope in her eyes, a sense of self worth that was not there 3 years ago. The child she is holding, I am assuming was the baby we saw, is healthy and alive. I want to go back. I want to see these lives so drastically changed for the better. Isn't it amazing what a little food, and love can do to a person. I wish I had a picture of her from 3 years ago to show you the difference, but we were not allowed to take pictures on our home visits out of respect for those we were visiting. Trust me when I tell you that this is a whole new woman, and this ministry is making a tangible difference.

Edit: Apologies the picture didn't post, it was there when I checked it yesterday, then this morning it wasn't working. I fixed it.

How in the world?

I am going to give you all the opportunity, to guess how this happened to my rear wiper. If you notice in the picture below, it is bent at the end. I will obviously have to replace it, but how do you think this happened?