Day 1

30 day's of photo's (to see the full details check out this post).

Day 1: A photo of you

Me doing one of my favorite things! Taking a nap w/ my son.

30 days of pictures

I am going to be refocusing this blog. I have tried not to turn it into a "mommy blog", but I'm a mom now, and most of the things I have to say are about that. I am trying to become better at domestic type things (cooking, sewing, cleaning, crafts, decorating etc) and reading a ton of blogs to that effect currently. While I am trying to figure out what to do I'm going to do a 30 day photo challenge. Enjoy and I will hopefully return with some focus to this blog, and maybe a personal touch I feel that it has been lacking.

Here is the layout of what is to come for the next 30 days:

Day one: a photo of you.
Day two: a photo of yourself at least a year ago.
Day three: a photo that makes you happy.
Day four: a photo of a place you’d like to visit.
Day five: a photo that makes you laugh.
Day six: a photo of someone you love.
Day seven: a photo of something you stand for.
Day eight: a photo of something you enjoy doing.
Day nine: a photo of yourself when you were a baby.
Day ten: any photo you like for any reason.
Day eleven: a photo of a night you loved.
Day twelve: a photo of when you were happy.
Day thirteen: a photo of one of your favorite movies.
Day fourteen: a photo of your best friend (s).
Day fifteen: a photo of you and a family member.
Day sixteen: a photo from your childhood.
Day seventeen: a photo from a trip you’ll never forget.
Day eighteen: a photo of your town.
Day nineteen: a photo of your favorite thing from school.
Day twenty: a photo of something you ate today.
Day twenty-one: a photo of somebody you find attractive.
Day twenty-two: a photo that you associate a good memory with.
Day twenty-three: a photo of something you want to do someday.
Day twenty-four: a photo of what you want to be when you grow up.
Day twenty-five: a photo that inspires you.
Day twenty-six: a photo of your favorite subject in school.
Day twenty-seven: a photo of something you are looking forward to.
Day twenty-eight: a photo of something/somebody that made your day.
Day twenty-nine: a photo of your favorite person from history.
Day thirty: a photo you find beautiful

fan wear

So we are getting back a fair amount of our taxes this year due to our fabulous bundle of joy. While I will not disclose the exact amount, it did cause both Matt and I to go, kiss him and thank him. But who am I kidding, I will kiss that kid just because he smiles at me.

Anyways, I recently stumbled on an etsy shop, and it is AMAZING. I want EVERYTHING. Ok, so maybe I don't want everything. I want it in the sense that it is really freaking awesome, but I'm already trying to get rid of extra "stuff" we have and declutter our homes. Anyways here are a few of my favorite things from this shop (go there for more fabulousness), perhaps I could talk the hubby into just one small item, especially if it is for him.

Can't you just see Matt wearing this shirt? (HAHAHAHA)

Couldn't you see this hanging in my kitchen?

Or a scarf with my FAVORITE literary proposal on it? *swoon*

I :heart: pride and prejudice! This is some pretty cool stuff, I'm just saying. No, I do not know the owner of this etsy shop. No, I am not receiving anything for writing this. I'm just sharing some cool stuff I came across.

A new find

I love antiques. A day spent in antique shops makes me one happy girl. My boss brought this to the office, and offered it to the staff, I took it in a heart beat. I'm excited to find it a new home once we move. Perhaps my nightstand.

We are getting a new place!!!

'

We are going to move on April 15th. We have our deposit down, and our first 1/2 months rent turned in and are ready to rock! All we have to do is give our "official" written 30 day notice to our current place (they already know we are moving), pack, un pack and then clean our old place like crazy so we don't get dinged too bad for our security deposit. Which is why there is a 2 week overlap. We have a 2 week window in which to move, and clean the old place which is super nice.

The new place is about 2 miles from work (perfect so that I can come home for lunch) as well as just over 1 mile from my folks. I really didn't think we could move any closer, but we seem to have managed.

I am super excited to get a fresh slate and organize/decorate this place. It is gonna be awesome! I just may be blogging about that for awhile. Anyone know where we can get some free boxes?

Forgive my absence...

...however, it is hard to create a meaningful posts when all I want to do is play with this little one every chance I get.

So the last week has been insane!

The past week has been crazy and fun!

Monday 2/14:

My hubby and I had a quiet dinner at home and went out for froyo together with our little one. I had the most amazing roses and we exchanged cards. We also stopped by my parents to see my uncle who had flown in the previous night from South Dakota.

Tuesday 2/15:

Life group! We had a new couple and are super excited to have them join our group!

Wednesday 2/16:

My work day, at the church until 8:30, then home and getting the little one to bed.

Thursday 2/17:

Went to my parents strait after work as my Aunt had flown in from South Dakota the previous night and spent the evening with family. We didn't leave until after 9pm

Friday 2/18:

Ran errands, and hung out with my family all day. Aunt and Uncle from Seattle flew in, and so ALL of my dad's siblings w/ their respective spouse and parents were all staying at my parents house. So the hanging out went late into the night.

Saturday 2/19:

Went to my brother's big basketball game, and MAN was it a GREAT game. We beat the undefeated team in our league. We haven't beaten them for the last 6 years, and it was a HUGE upset. The game was SO loud I had to take the little man out to the lobby because he couldn't take the noise. We then got home at 1am

Sunday 2/20:

I left for work at 7, and Max was getting dedicated (pictures to come). So we had TONS of family, and I was also working so it was insane. The pastor (my boss) who married us, pronounced our last name wrong! I so though I was over that when I got married to an "easy" last name but apparently not. lol.

Monday 2/21:

Matt and I had the day off together! First one in like a month and for the next month. We spent it apartment shopping as our lease is up at the end of next month. If we want to give a 3o day notice we have until next monday to do so. It was a long and stressful day, ending w/ dinner at my parents again.

Basically we spent the whole week w/ family at my parents and got home late and totally messed up our poor little man's sleeping pattern. :( Hopefully we will get it back on track this week. I have tons to blog about, and lots of pictures, once they get loaded/ I get them from others.

We all need love from different places

I don't want to bum anyone out on Valentine's Day, but this is where my heart is, and I feel like I just need to pour it out. I really don't want to guilt trip anyone (that seriously is NOT what this is about), I don't want to be "that girl" who stirs things up. I just need to say what is on my heart.

I am lonely. I feel isolated. I feel like the only people I can talk to are Matt and my mom.

I have still yet to make some good friends out here in the desert. I wrote the linked to post a year ago, and it is still true to this day, except it is worse. I no do not have that life group.

Last year, Matt and I decided to start a new life group. Ours was getting really full, and we felt like starting a new one would be the right thing to do, also with the coming child, we figured having a group at our place would be easier than me getting off work, packing up the baby, grabbing fast food on the way, driving 25-30 min, staying for 1.5-2.5 hours and coming back home late. The only problem is we have a group of flakes. Of our only 4 meetings 2x's no one has shown up. The other 2x's there was me, Matt, and one other person (a different one each time). So no life group to connect with. We are still building, and supposedly, we are getting a new couple tonight. What sucks is that I have to hear about lunch plans/girls nights/other fun things that our old life group is doing but I am not a part of. It just sucks.

Also, many of my friends have made/suggested plans but they are never followed through on. Usually it is something that I should not be a part of planning (say something like a baby shower/birthday celebration type of thing), so it isn't my place to push it. Or I try and make plans, but the other person is unresponsive/busy/life happens etc. So I feel like I really am putting out an effort, but I've got nothing.

Phone calls/IM/Facebook ect, can only do so much. I need a coffee talking friend. Someone who I can still down and we can pour our hearts out to each other. Someone who I can actually tell things to and it wont go any further than their ears. A kindred spirit who I can do a old movie night with, and talk about life. A shopping partner, a walking buddy, another mommy who can understand why you sometimes smell like sour milk. I don't even have to have all of these things in one, I will take different people to fill these spots. The problem is, I currently have all of them open, and my poor hubby can only watch so many musicals, and can only walk around the mall so many times.

All of this is augmented by stupid postpartum "baby blues" and going back to work. Oh ya, work. New position, = new people = no relationships yet = no connections.

So bottom line, with in the few months, I have had a baby, lost my life group, lost my ministry (and all of the people I connected with), gone back to work and the "new"life group and ministry I have no connections with.

On top of the fact that I STILL don't have good friends in the desert.

I am lonely. I love my hubby and family and don't "need" friends but at the same time, I really do.

5 years ago today, I cancelled...

Exactly 5 years ago, I was a sophomore at Biola University. I had spent the last 11 months single, and loving developing relationships with my friends. Many of these relationships are still important to me today. 5 years ago I had a planed trip to Disneyland with a fellow classmate/major friend (Major as in college degree not anything more than that, at least not yet..). I had a pass, and he had recently gotten one, and we talked about getting a group together and going one day...

The day was a friday (my no class day) and I was enjoying late lunch with some friends when we got a phone call that one of our floor mates was in the ER again, and really needed some support. We all ran back to our rooms, packed up a few waiting room essentials, and hoped in the car. As we were pulling off campus, I made a phone call and left a message for the friend I was supposed to meet, explaining that I was not going to make it because I needed to support a friend in the hospital and we could reschedule. It was less than 1/2 an hour before I was supposed to meet him. I felt horrible for canceling, I remember siting in the back of my roommates car having this, "I should go" feeling. Then as we were a few blocks from campus I we got a call saying she was going to be released in an hour and there was no reason to come over. We turned around, and I left another voicemail un-canceling the Disney trip w/ my friend.

That Disneyland trip is my most significant ever. The part was practically empty, we went on a ton of rides MULTIPLE times together. The first time we went on the matterhorn, the castmember forgot to ask "together or separate" (something that to this day, has never happened to me again), and placed us in the coster together. We talked, had fun, and somewhere along the way, it turned into flirting. I am in no way a flirt, but it felt so natural, so fun. It lead to lots of "lobby dwelling" with friends....

Which then 4 years ago today, lead to a Disney proposal in front of the castle right before the firework show. (I know its lame, but it was my total dream.)

Which finally after a ridiculously long engagement, 2.5 years later lead to our wedding,

and now a full fledged family.

I am so thankful I didn't cancel that Disney trip. I totally had placed Matt in the "friend only box", I am so thankful that that trip allowed me to let him out and see how perfect we were for each other. Because of the way it happened, I have always held true to the fact that our relationship is the result of the famous "Disney Magic". (OK, so I know that isn't REALLY true, but hey, it makes it a more fun story). With valentines day just a few short days way, I love that I can look back this time of year, and remember how we fell in love and the crazy wonderful journey we have started together. I can't wait to see where the next many years lead.

This picture made me cry...

How can this picture make me cry? Well it is very simple. 3 years ago when I was in Kenya, we visited the smallest home I have ever seen. A king bed would not have even fit in it, that was how small it was. The four of us visiting could not even all fit inside it. The woman who lived there had 2 young children and a new infant. She had no food, no way to provide milk for her baby, because she was HIV positive. She could not get any of the help she so desperately needed. We brought her a backpack full of food, some meat, mostly rice and beans with some local greenery. She was sick at the time. Honestly it felt like she had given up hope. But that is why we were there, to give her hope, to come along side of her and encourage her. To give her and her children a chance.

Today, on Christ's Hope International (the ministry we went with, who supports these people all year long) had this picture on their blog. I recognized her instantly, her face was not one I would easily forget. Except now, she has hope in her eyes, a sense of self worth that was not there 3 years ago. The child she is holding, I am assuming was the baby we saw, is healthy and alive. I want to go back. I want to see these lives so drastically changed for the better. Isn't it amazing what a little food, and love can do to a person. I wish I had a picture of her from 3 years ago to show you the difference, but we were not allowed to take pictures on our home visits out of respect for those we were visiting. Trust me when I tell you that this is a whole new woman, and this ministry is making a tangible difference.

Edit: Apologies the picture didn't post, it was there when I checked it yesterday, then this morning it wasn't working. I fixed it.

How in the world?

I am going to give you all the opportunity, to guess how this happened to my rear wiper. If you notice in the picture below, it is bent at the end. I will obviously have to replace it, but how do you think this happened?

Ridiculous!

I'm sorry but I find this really dumb. (Sorry for the bad photo, I couldn't stop moving or I would have had a crying child). I was at the mall this past week with a friend, enjoying dinner and strolling (that word seems so much more appropriate when you are actually using a stroller tee hee hee). Sorry, back to the point. What mall puts flowers on their tables? I mean seriously, who waters these babies? How many of them walk off each day? The food court looked like a flower shop, not a mall food court. While I appreciate the ascetic value that flowers bring, I would much rather the money be spent on giving discounts to retailers so they can give bigger discounts to me. I mean, as much as I love flowers and as pretty as they are, is this really necessary? Nope, I personally deem it ridiculous. Also, we heard a rumor that the only reason they were out was that the Westfield powers to be were in the area, and may pop by for a visit. Which may make it more understandable, but never the less it is still ridiculous!

It is well with my soul

I love this hymn. I am praying that it rings true in my heart in all of this transition and turmoil happening in my life right now. It is still hard. My heart still hurts, and I know that it is ok, but I want it to not. I want it to be fine. I want to fully be where God has put me and serve where He has me with my full heart. I am truly trying even though it is hard. If you have never sung this song before read it, if you want to know the tune and really cool history behind it, go here. Here are the lyrics in my head (and hopefully heart) today:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blest assurance control,

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Refrain

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Refrain

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:

If Jordan above me shall roll,

No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life

Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Refrain

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,

The sky, not the grave, is our goal;

Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!

Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

Refrain

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.

Refrain

The little man

Isn't he just the cutest thing EVER! I can't believe how big he is getting. It's CRAZY! I'm one blessed lady!

I have to brag on my little brother again...

My amazing younger (but not so little at 6'9'' almost 6'10''), got a double double on Tuesday's basketball game. If you don't know what a double double is, it is not a type of burger, it means you hit the double digits in two of the "stats" usually points and rebounds but it could also include assists or steals. My little bro got 18 points and 11 rebounds! I am SOO bummed that I missed this game, but I am very proud of him! You can check out the awesome details and sweet picture here. Keep it up little bro! Hopefully I will get to see you play one of these days again soon.

My sweet baby

Dear Son,

I love you very much. Since you have come into my life, my world has completely changed. I love watching you smile and trying to talk. It is absolutely adorable and melts my heart every time. However, you are now 2 months old and while we FINALLY have you sleeping most of the night in your crib, your very sleep deprived mother and father would greatly appreciate you sleeping LONGER. I now have to go to work, and while I miss you when I am gone, I really need to show up at work with out looking half asleep. Thank you my sweet baby boy.

Love,

Your mommy

My bro's sweet pass to a dunk

So at this game, my brother got an assist to this sweet dunk. The angle isn't the greatest but it is a really cool play, check it out! Have you ever seen a bounce pass = an ally-oop dunk? Well here you can! BTW it was way awesome live, and the fan in the stands w/ both hands in the air afterwards, totally me! lol go little bro!

This past week, just wow

So this last week was absolutely insane. Honestly, something happened that I never thought would happen in a million years, something that caused the entire week to be emotional on top of having a fever for 2-3 days. Here is the play by play:

Monday: The day was low key as I am still on maternity leave we made a list to go grocery shopping for the week. We didn't make it shopping as my dad ended up picking up my grandma's old couch for us and brought it over. (Score free, awesome couch w/ a pull out bed!). This couch is much nicer than the other two we have, (both are at least 20 years old, but hey they were free). By the time that happened, we didn't have time to go shopping because I had a meeting at work at 4pm to discuss my return from maternity leave as this was to be my last week at home before returning to work. It was in that meeting that the week became emotional. I was told that there were many changes while I was off, one being that my old boss was coming in as the "Family Ministries Coach" to help children's and youth come together and develop us in each of our own ministries. AWESOME! This is something that has been so needed. Then the other shoe dropped. It started w/ letting me know that my salary was staying the same and that again the entire staff was not getting a cost of living raise. (This is the third year that this has happened). Again it was reiterated that my salary was staying the same, but then I was told my job was changing. When I returned from maternity leave, I would no longer be the Pastor of Children's Ministries. The board has requested that I transition into leading Early Childhood only, and become the Pastor of Early Childhood. Lets just say I let them know that I was willing to take the new position and left it at that. I was told to process and come in if I needed more questions/clarifications etc. I left feeling pretty much ok.

Tuesday: 3am, I couldn't sleep. I finally at 5am went downstairs to journal and pray. How could this be happening to me again? Was this the first step towards leaving Desert Springs? I came to the prayerful conclusion that I am a servant of the Lord, and I will serve where he calls me and where he places me with a happy heart. Even though I had this peace from the Lord, my flesh raced with negativity. It brought me back to what happened 3 years ago nearly to the day. (Long story short, I was a nursery coordinator at a church and got completely blindsided and fired. They hired a girl I had meet in NOVEMBER in my place. They knew they wanted to hire her that whole time, for two months it was planned and I had no knowledge or clue about it). So my head is going, November I left and now in January I'm "transitioning" positions to one very similar to the one I was fired from 3 years previously. All of this is going on in my head and it was just a lot to process. I went into work at 9 because there was a Family Ministry Team meeting and I wanted to be apart of it so I wasn't so behind when I started next week. It was good, I got some questions answered but not all and more questions were raised. Because it was Tuesday we got to see my brothers awesome basketball game! (Go Eagles! Biola won!). The drive my mom of course asked me how my meeting went the previous day so I had to spill the beans. My parents love me and my dad has been burned in ministry so needless to say he was concerned. The game was great, and my bro had an amazing pass (there is youtube video that I will post later). I was exhausted as I was up for 22 hours strait as we didn't get home till 12 and I was up since 3 am.

Wednesday: The shopping finally happened. At 3pm Matt and I went in to talk with my Senior Pastor and boss. We wrote out a ton of questions an points/feelings that I wanted to make sure to get across. An hour and a half later I walked out feeling 1 million times better. As hard as it is going to be transitioning into this new position and not getting to have time to say good bye to my older kids, it is what is best for me and the church. I am not being pushed out, but placed in a position that major leadership and revamping is needed.

Thursday: I wasn't feeling great, but we got some stuff done around the house and attempted to prepare it for the fact that we are going to be having a life group meeting starting next Tuesday each week in our living room. Then I got to take a long shower and spend some time getting ready because I had a hot date. My hubby and I had a gift card for a fancy restaurant and my parents were gonna watch the little man for us. It was our first date night since the baby and were were so excited! The food was amazing, and Matt and I got to connect, It was awesome. Then something not so awesome happened. Aunt flo came to visit. I'm breastfeeding and had a baby two months ago, REALLY?!?! *sigh, followed by massive cramping and fever. The fever however was from my sore throat which had been around a few days and been getting worse. Great way to end a fabulous date night right?

Friday: Me = fever. The whole day we did nothing. I tried to get better. I was hot and cold and miserable all day long. I even had to call and cancel going to my brother's big basketball game. They played the undefeated team in their league (they lost, :( but i heard it was close for a good part of it. I ended up sleeping part of the night on the couch because it was too hot in bed w/ the baby and my hubby.

Saturday: I had the baby all day by myself. I was feeling slightly better. All I really wanted was a nap. However my little man decided he wanted to be held, rocked and walked around all day. By the time I finally got him to sleep on me it was 4pm, then my dad called. Matt got home at 4:30 and we were supposed to be at my parents at 5 for dinner to celebrate my brother and my mom's bday's. It was a nice family meal and we headed home earlier than usual and were in bed by 8:30. Both exhausted and me still recovering from being sick.

Today: Church, then hang out at my parents house. My bro and his girlfriend are still here and we are just chilling and enjoying a Sunday afternoon in the desert. We had lunch outside in the beautiful 80 degree sunshine. It was awesome. I love the desert.

In all, it was an emotional week. I really am fine w/ my new position at church. It will be a good thing for me, it is just going to take some adjusting and working through the emotions. All in all Life is good and God is great.

Health Care RANT

I hate insurances.

So my sweet boy had a really hard time breathing all night long last night. He didn't sleep well (so neither did mom or dad), and was obviously not feeling well. Then this morning he started to cough, and was still having difficult breathing. So I figured that this morning I would take him to an urgent care just so we could get checked out to make sure that there wasn't anything in his lungs. As someone who has asthma, I know how bad and how quick congestion can turn into something serious.

After calling/stopping by 4 urgent cares to find out NONE of them took my insurance and the one that did, doesn't take infants, my only option was to take him to the ER. SERIOUSLY! This wasn't an emergency, this was a mommy wanting to make sure her little man could breath ok and get checked out super quick by a doctor. Its not like he couldn't breath, or really needed to be in the ER, but if I wanted to see a Dr that was covered by my insurance that was my option on a Sunday morning. So we went to the ER paid our $15 co-pay, and got checked by the Dr. The little one is fine, just bad congestion :( we still need to keep an eye on it, but he should be ok.

My point: How is it in ANYONES best interest to be forced to take up room and time in an emergency room w/ a case of the sniffles? My little one just needed to be checked out to make sure he didn't have congestion in his lungs. I think that it is absolutely ridiculous that the health care system is that screwed up. Out of pocket cost for me at an ER = $15 for insurance at least 250. Out of pocket cost for me at an Urgent care = $100-$250 and I'm sure in total cheaper for the insurance company. No wonder health care is so screwed up in this country. I totally don't agree w/ "Obama care" but I do say there is a better way to do this health insurance thing.

An attempt at organization

I have mild OCD. when I clean, I CLEAN. If I cant clean to my standards, I don't bother because I just get frustrated and drive myself crazy. I am an black or white person. Things are either perfectly in place and i care a great deal and it has to be perfect, OR I have to choose to not care and ignore it. *sigh. It's really frustrating. I can't half clean because I leave it half undone. I never have the time to completely clean everything at once. It is something that I am working on. I found this really cool website that I think will help me get and stay organized. Its called fly lady. Here are the "11 commandments" to help you stay organized.

There is also a 30 day plan to slowly organize your house and get into a habit/routine to keep it that way. I would really like to try this, and organize my life and home better, but we will see. With the baby my house has become complete CHAOS or as the fly lady says "Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome". Which is challenging because people want to come over and the baby. I really need to be more on top of my house as we are going to be hosting a life group starting in a few weeks as well as resuming game nights soon.

The question remains, is it possible for me to organize my home/life and keep it that way? Stay tuned as I attempt this feat.