Weddings

Wedding season is upon us, We took a break this weekend from moving to attend the first of five weddings over the next few months. This was the wedding of one of my college roomies and good friends Tom and Shelley. I wish I had my camera but some how during the move, it ended up packed. Shelley and I meet freshman year, and hung out a TON, and became friends. Sophomore year, we moved to live in the same dorm on the same floor. Then Junior year we became roomies. We also both started dating seriously within 6ish months of each other. Here we are on one of our double dates Junior year to Knott's Scary Farm (I couldn't find the pic of all four of us, that I KNOW exists somewhere)

Shelley also introduced me to a FABULOUS college group, which I was a part of for most of college. I even when to Kenya with them, here are some of my favorite peps on safari. We were all at the wedding on Saturday (well considering that two where the bride and groom, one the MoH, and another the FoB it makes sense). It was so amazing to see all of these guys again...

Spending Saturday evening with all of these wonderful friends makes me miss living in the OC. It made me miss my Disneyland coffee dates with Suzy, it make me miss giving Shelley and Tom a hard time about playing WOW, it made me miss that special college group and remember all that happened during that time in my life. I am so thankful for all of these friends that God has blessed me with. I am hoping to be able to make it over their more often to visit.

Here is the new Mr. and Mrs. I'm so thankful that both of you have been a part of my life! May God Bless your marriage, as you start your lives together.

Shelley and Tom

Kenya, 2007

Husband and Wife

2010

The move day is tomorrow

Tomorrow, we are moving. We have friends coming over to help us tomorrow. However, we went by the new place last night, and it isn't ready for us! They gave us the keys and it wasn't ready. At first they told us that we could have a week to move our stuff, I thought that was fair, since they are loosing rent on our apartment, but the one we are moving into wasn't ready on the 1st. Well we found out yesterday that when we got the keys we need to be out by Monday morning. This would be ok, if I didn't have a wedding to go to out of town on Saturday, and I didn't work on Sunday...

So now, NOTHING is packed, I mean I have NOTHING in packed, the only boxes that have things in them are the boxes that never got unpacked when we moved in. So tonight, instead of going to the Alice in Wonderland midnight showing, and all day tomorrow, I will be franticly packing and moving. Have you ever moved with out packing? My wonderful husband seems to think that because we are only moving 400 feet, we don't need to pack anything. *sigh palm face* My need to organize and do this in a orderly manor, with none of my dishes breaking. Is that too much to ask? I really love my hubby but we are so different in this whole prepared vs fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants thing, stuff like this makes it a challenge.

Walt Wednesday

"It’s a mistake not to give people a chance to learn to depend on themselves while they are young."

- Walt Disney

from here

We are moving!

Matt and I signed a new lease yesterday for an apartment that is 400 feet away from our current apartment. It is a bit more money a month, and a smaller living/dinning room, however... it has:

a nicer patio, bigger bedroom, bigger kitchen, a pantry, a dishwasher. an extra half bath, views of the mountains, new tile, counters, sinks and carpets and its a TWO STORY TOWN HOUSE! So I think we win! It is part of the same complex we have been living in, and we love our on site manager, and the owner, so its a great fit. It also means we are moving THIS WEEK. So last minute, so not me! I'm now franticly trying to pack, and deep clean the apartment and prepare us to move. Also I have two weddings in the next 3 weeks. A dear friend and roomie from College as well as my husbands cousin, whom ironically caught the garter at our wedding in september.

Please excuse my crazies the next few weeks.

Walt Wednesday

"Every child is born blessed with a vivid imagination. But just as a muscle grows flabby with disuse, so the bright imagination of a child pales in later years if he ceases to exercise it."

- Walt Disney

from here

May we never cease to imagine,

May we always dare to dream.

May we forever remember,

We are all children at heart.

I wish

I want to be a figure skater. When I was growing up one of my closest friends was a figure skater. She drove over an hour 3 times a week to get trained, and skated at the local rink all of the other days. She gave up in middle school/high school but I always secretly envied her. She could skate backwards on ice, she was graceful and beautiful and she could do jumps and spins. I couldn't do any of that. I remember one day, we went to the local ice rink (which was like a fish bowl in the mall where people could look down and watch you from the food court), and I attempted to skate. I was told it was just like rollerblading. I wanted to be good so bad. I couldn't keep up with my friend. I kept skating around and she would skate backwards to talk to me, go to the center and do a few fancy spins. *sigh. Oh how I wanted to be that graceful. I knew I never would be. Watching the Winter Olympics, always makes me remember this particular ice skating trip. I realized that I would never be a good figure skater. I realized that I was not nearly graceful enough and that it would never happen. To this day on the rare occasion I'm on ice skates, I fall.

All of this makes me appreciate the hard work and dedication all of the Olympic athletes put into their sports. They make the impossible look easy. I hope that in my passions, I too can perfect my work so that to the outsider it looks easy.

Silly Sheets

Last night I realized something, as a girl, when you get married, you lose your "cute sheets". Growing up I have ALWAYS had a cute bed set. When I was four, it was this really pretty flower/shell pattern (can any one say HELLO 80's?), then I became obsessed with Hawaii when I was about 6 and my parents got me a bright fish bed set, that I loved.

Then in middle school I got the daybed of my dreams, and got a very pretty daybed set (I wasn't

to fond of it, even though I liked it, it was just that I wanted leopard). After years of begging my mom, she FINALLY let me get a leopard bet set and I was in heaven!

Then before college she made me get a new bed set, insisting I couldn't take my leopard with me. That lasted less than a semester, I keep my leopard bed set until I got married. Then came the boring plain sheets. I LOVE my husband, but he has NO taste. He REFUSES to let me have any sort of flowers (which ok, I get), or "fancy" design on our bed. So we have solid and plaid sheets. BORING! I love being married and sleeping each night with my hubby, but please can a girl get some cute sheets instead of just solid or plaid???

Friday mornings are my favorite

My favorite morning of the week is Friday mornings, Cinnamon roll morning. You see Friday's are my only day to be lazy, it is what most of you would consider a Sunday morning. On Thursday nights, my wonderful husband and I have a date night. 90% of the time, that just means we eat dinner at home and watch the NBC comedy line up (we heart Community and The Office), which is totally find with me (I don't need a big "going out" date all the time). This typically leads to us staying up a bit later than usual, as I don't have to work on Friday's. We go to sleep and awaken into the magic that is Friday morning. We don't set an alarm, but I usually stir around 8, and just enjoy laying in bed, sometimes I play games on my iPhone, or check email or read. Eventually my bladder forces me out of bed, and before I come back, I turn on the oven. While the oven preheats, Matt and I cuddle, talk, giggle and just enjoy being married. We read books together, and by that I mean we read them out loud to each other. Right now for example we are reading Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. It is out emotional bonding time. A way for us to linger in each other's presence before we start our day. At some point one of us puts in the cinnamon rolls and climbs back into bed for another glorious 25 minutes of togetherness. It gives us an hour of time together, uninterrupted, planned connecting time. I love it! It's my favorite.

Weekend Fun

There are many things that I would like to do, but do not posses the talent or know how for. One of these secret ambitions is to be an antique dealer. To discover treasures in others junk that they are just going to throw away. To set up a cute conner in a few shops and watch all of the junk turn into $ before my very eyes. My love of antiques developed at a very early age. My parents have lots of fabulous antique furniture, glass, dolls, books etc lying around the house. Growing up I used to look at all of that stuff and imagine what it would be like to have played with the dolls or to drink out of the shirley temple glasses.

Whenever my grandparents are in town its guaranteed that we go antique shopping. Last weekend was no exception, and we had a great time! My grandparents collect a specific depression glass called stretch glass, it was made in the 1920-1940's and is era-decent and looks like it has stretch marks on it (I think I know a bit too much about this type of glass, so I'm going to shut up and get on to the point of this post). It is always fun scouring the crammed corners looking for it. Eventually I want to be a collector... that is when I have the money for it. I found this phone at one of the shops, and I wanted it SOOOO bad, too bad it had a $175 price tag on it. Oh well, maybe some day when I'm rich and famous (yeah right!) I will have my Disney collectables.

I love my job

I honestly have the BEST job EVER!

the end (for now...)

Walt Wednesday

I am going to start a new weekly posting here, called "Walt Wednesdays" Disney has been a huge part of my life, and so each week, I'd like to post a quote from Walt Disney himself, and take a little time to talk about it. I will always cite where I got the quote, and hope that it is a reliable one as I was unable to find an Disney archive of fun quotes (other than books that I do not own). As someone who works with children I feel that much can be learned from this man who has created so much joy for so many children.

"If you can dream it, you can do it." - Walt Disney

(from brainyquote )

How big can you dream. What do you see yourself doing in 5 years? What do you see in your head as something that you wish you could do? Dreams are often fun, usually we dare only to imagine what could be. What if we made our dreams come to life? What if we dared to make our dreams work? I'm not saying that we have a fairy godmother who will magically make us into a princess, but what if we took this as a motivation to literally MAKE and DO our dreams. What dreams do you have that you want to come true?

A weekly post?

I have been thinking about a weekly post or two lately as I have been sticking with my blog and loving it.

Some ideas that I have seen are:

Manly Monday (giving props to your man)

TMI Thursday (tell a story that has TMI in it)

Tunes Tuesday (Talk about your tunes)

TV Tuesday (Talk about current TV shows)

Talk'n Tuesday/Thursday (random updates and general talk)

Way back Wednesday (something from your past, story etc)

Food Friday (Show a new recipe, restaurant, or meal that you ate that week)

Wordless Wednesday (picture post w/ no words)

Thankful Thursday (Post something your thankful for)

Five Things Friday (post five things that most people don't know about me)

I have one that I came up with on my own that will debut tomorrow. What is your vote? What do you think I should do?

Also, I just added a question box on my blog so that you can ask me any question you want. I will answer it via blog 5 at a time. So feel free to ask, the sooner you do the sooner you will see it answered.

closest I will get...

I was once in Hawaii, which I suppose is more than most can say. I had my very first christmas there, and apparently spent hours on the beach in a play pen. I looked like this, and don't remember any of it.

Growing up my parents always talked about taking us to Hawaii, they went a few times while we were in elementary school for a conference. They would ALWAYS bring my little brother and I back something fun, exciting and well Hawaiian and tell us we would go someday.

That someday has still not happened. I had a dream last night that it did, but then I woke up. Perhaps someday, I will get to go back, and this time remember the trip.

Valentine's Day

Today is the day set aside to make sure that your special someone knows that you love them. To celebrate your love and to enjoy each other. This valentines day is special to me because it is the first one that I am celebrating as a MARRIED woman. I love my husband. I love calling him my husband. I love being able to spend tons of time with him, and showing him how much I love him. My husband is the person who keeps me level headed, the one who keeps me sane, the one whom I depend on in every season of my life. He is crazy and wacky, a nerd and a geek. He is funny and can drive me crazy, but I love him all the same. Thank you babe for loving me (even though you hate it when I get camera happy)!
I also like to remember the person who has always loved me and always will. The one who died for me. The one who sacrifice for me. The one who knows me better than I know myself. Jesus, thank you for loving me and for everything you do for me!

A dream come true...

If you know me, you probably know that I am a HUGE Disney fan. I grew up on Disney movies and TV (back when you had to pay extra for the cable channel), I had an anual pass to The Park (aka Disneyland) from 7th grad til after I graduated college and I even worked at Disneyland for a bit. Disney is my happy place, and on October 24th, 2009, a dream came true. I got to go here:

If you don't know what Club 33 is, let me enlighten you. Walt built it over looking New Orleans square as a place to bring executives and have meetings while you are in Disneyland. There is a dress code, and it is the ONLY place in Disneyland where you can be served alcohol. Apart from the extra Disney magic, a membership to this exclusive place will cost you more than a pretty penny. We are talking more than most people's car per year. Mostly big corporations buy memberships, and use it as a perk for the higher ups. Getting in is a BIG deal, at least to me. It is on my "bucket list" as some would say. On top of getting a great meal, you got a FREE ticket to Disneyland, even though the meal cost more than the ticket.

Since I now live 90 miles away from Disneyland, this day trip mean getting up early, and coffee when we got up their. I tried to document this trip the best I could but even though pictures are supposed to say 1,000 words, I don't think all the pictures combined could describe my feelings about that day.

We entered in the lobby, and it was better than I could imagine, we got to take an old "lift" up to the second floor. We then entered and got to enjoy lunch looking out over New Orleans square. Aside from the food being the BEST EVER, the desert bar was amazing as well

It was such and amazing experience, and a true dream come true. We even got a hat to remember the trip by, as well as being able to spend an afternoon in The Parks.

Below was my FAVORITE picture that I have ever seen of Walt. It is in Club 33 amongst the other Disney wonders there. It is a painting of Walt in 33 having breakfast looking over the park. Sorry for the glare, I tried really hard to get a good picture of it.

Yesterday, 4 crazy years

So yesterday marked the 4 year anniversary of something that changed my life. I went to disneyland with a classmate/friend. That magical trip to disneyland (of which of course I don't have any pictures because we were just friends hanging out), started something in me, that at that point in time I could not explain. It lead to a lot of hanging out in the lobby of my dorm with this guy whom all of the sudden I was totally falling for...

We spend the next several days, weeks months inseparable. In a few short months both of us knew that we were going to get married. Then 1 year later (3 years ago yesterday), it lead to him asking me to spend the rest of my life with him as husband and wife. He had the perfect set up for me, in front of Sleeping Beauty's castle, right before the fireworks. My dream. Obviously I said yes!

Which eventually (2.5 years later) led to this...

We are now happily married and enjoying life together. I can't imagine what would have happened if I didn't go to Disneyland that day. Few people know this, but I actually called to cancel that day because a friend of mine was in the ER and a bunch of us were going to see her. I was in the car, driving towards the hospital when we found out she was getting released. We turned around, and I had a feeling that I couldn't explain. I called back and re confirmed that I was going to Disneyland, and the rest is history.

Disney is still one of our favorite places, and we are sad that this year, we didn't get to celebrate the 10th their like we have for the last 3 years. All this to say, I love my husband, and am so thankful for that fateful trip to Disney 4 years ago.

Friendships

I have been thinking about friendships lately, and maybe some of you have it all figured out, but I sure don't! First let me say that this IS NOT a dig at anyone, nor am I tying to point fingers at friends and "guilt trip" them. I am just simple sharing my heart, and thoughts on the matter.

I am in an odd position when it comes to friends. You see, I have moved back to the town I grew up in, so some of my friends from high school are still around, others are not. The ones whom I talk to and still hang with, (and still love dearly) are different now than they were back in the day. Thats ok, but it just feels different.

I have tons of great friends from college but I feel as if I'm "out of sight out of mind" with many of them. We still talk, stay connected and I honestly love each of them dearly, and it is partly on me for not calling/texting/insert your favorite form of communication as much as I should, but they aren't here sitting with me in this starbucks. We aren't living life together anymore, because of how far away we are.

I have a ton of amazing coworkers, some of whom I hang out with out of the office, some whom I don't simply because of the age/life stage difference. I am the youngest on staff, so it can make friendships have a totally different dynamic.

I have a Life Group which is an amazing community who would do anything for me, as I would for them. We meet each week for intentional time together, and support each other in everything each of us is going through in life.

Even with all of this, I feel as if I'm missing a good group of girls to have a girls night with once a month. A serious, chickflick watching, chocolate face stuffing, facial/mani/pedi, giggling girls night. All of us needs a group of girls to do this with, and I haven't done this (save one all girl b-day party, which was wonderful but totally different) at all since I have been married.

All this to say, I have amazing friends, but due to schedules, distance, life stages, etc I feel disconnected and need a girls night!

I'm back from winter camp...

... and I'm sleep walking at work. I wasn't going to come in till noon today, except I'm taking tomorrow afternoon off to see my brother's basketball game and my work load for this week is not going to allow me a morning and an afternoon to take off. I can't wait to post the few pictures I took or to tell you all about the crazy and fun camp. So for now, just imagine me with two temporary tattoos on my face... picture to follow.

Spelling... oh how I hate thee

Spelling oh Spelling, how I hate thee

You make me so mad,

I just don't know how to be.

It would be OK if I wasn't so bad.

You make me change a word

because I don't know how to spell it

and I really do wish to be heard

I'm so frustrated I could spit.

You make i's before e's except after c's

except for the words that are weird

It makes you such at tease

It makes me wish I had a beard

simply so that I could twirl it

out of pure confusion i declare

I am in the darkness of a pit

Spelling oh spelling we shall never be a pair.

There is something about a challenge

There is something about a challenge. Something about wanting to excel, wanting to push yourself beyond limits. I for one, love a challenge. When I see one, it feels like I have a chance to prove myself. Why do I love to prove myself? I really don't know, but I know that when I am presented with a challenge I try to rise above it with grace and strength.

How I wish I was always full of grace and strength. There are times when challenges seem so big, all I want to do is run from them. Why is that? It is because I am afraid that I will fail, and prove to myself and the world that I am not cut out to do what I do.

What is the difference between a challenge and a really big challenge? I have no idea. In my head, there are some things that are so big, I feel as if I could never accomplish them and any challenge feels discouraging in that area. Yet, another challenge presents it's self that is in all reality bigger than a discouraging one, and for some reason, it sparks a fire under me that makes me want to rise up and succeed in a big way.

While I do not know what the actual difference is, I know that I can control one thing about it. My attitude. I can choose to see the challenge as too big, or one that is a mere small hurdle. If I chose to take the second route, how much more often would I succeed in all the little challenges life brings my way?

why am I up at 5am?

I opened my eyes. 5am on the dot. Fine I'll brave the cold to relieve my screaming bladder. I can't sleep. My one day to sleep in a bit, and I can't sleep. I try. I try some more. I wake up my husband, oopps. and try some more to sleep. There are too many things racing through my mind right now. Camp. Packing. Coffee date. Car in shop. Money. Go to sleep. It's 6:30, I give up.

I'm up now, and the snow covered mountains look so inviting. I can't wait to be up there, in the snow. Praying that it doesn't snow on us during the drive. Praying we are all safe. Praying that Matt's car gets out of the shop on time. Praying that my kids have an amazing weekend, and that they lean something. I can't wait, I feel like a kid on christmas morning. Except not only am I going to camp, I'm responsible for 8 kids that aren't mine. If something happens, its on me. Perhaps that is why I can't sleep, so I'm blogging instead.

I have been on a blogging rampage lately, and I kinda like it. It feels good to be creative again. To post, instead of just write. While I'm at camp I have scheduled two posts, hopefully that will work... I haven't done that before. Have a great weekend everyone!

One reason Matt is my love...

There are many reasons why I married the best man in the ENTIRE world. Tonight, I just want to share with you a small bit of my amazing man. You see my husband enjoys working with teenage students, but I'm the children's pastor. That means my oldest kid is 11. Yet, my amazing husband has selflessly offered his assistance to me at many events, church services and tomorrow, CAMP. To many going to camp brings back fond childhood memories, and if it was a winter camp perhaps a memory of ambushing the councilor or camp director. Well my wonderful amazing husband is braving three days and two nights with boys who range from 8-10. I am so excited for him to share coming to camp with me and being involved in my ministry is so huge for me. I LOVE it. Even though he may not. I know that in the end he will have fun, but this isn't his thing. He is doing it for me... because he loves me. He is my sanity when I am stressed, and it will be so nice to have him be supporting me this weekend as it is my first time being the person "in-charge" of my church group. So thank you babe, you are awesome! I promise to try and protect you from the snowball ambush that is inevitable.

New look

I gave my blog a new look today. The pink was beginning to be a bit much, and I haven't changed it since I started the blog 5 years ago. The picture at the top is from the French country side. It was taken on a walking path through Couzier a small community of about 100 people. It was one of the most amazing walks I have ever taken in my life. The sky reminds me to always look for and follow my dreams. How cool would it be if we always lived following our dreams?

February already!

This weekend is winter camp. I'm taking 8 3-5th graders up to Alpine for the weekend. I'm very excited to do this, and hoping that the weather reports are correct and we get some snow on Saturday. For my desert kids, this is HUGE! Pray for safe travels, tons of fun and possibly some sleep for me and the other two adults going. Last winter I went to the Jr. High winter camp to help out and we had a TON of snow! Here to hoping for the same for my kids.

Also, this morning I got a tweet on my phone that the suspense was FINALLY over and the results were in for my friend Tabitha's Blog contest. I click the link on my phone, I couldn't watch the video because my husband who was still sleeping next to me would have been grumpy. I didn't need to, apparently, I WON the blog portion of the giveaway! *celebration dance* It was a fun way to start my morning, and I'm excited for the book (one that has been and Starbucks card that comes with it! Thanks Tab (do you even go by that anymore?) for a cool giveaway contest, and picking me! Perhaps I should try a giveaway sometime to smoke out some of the people who are secretly reading this blog, yes, I'm talking to you...

On a completely separate note, I can't believe that it is already February! I mean, wasn't it just Christmas like 2-3 weeks ago? Time this month has flown past me and has made me realize that I have not been intentional with my time. I can't name one thing that I did that was significant in the last month. I need to be better at that, well that and many other things. Here is to a new month, a new day and continuing the process of being better.

Admission: I am Jealous

Warning, way random, changes directions 3ish times... sry just me. :)

So I was looking at a few friends pictures recently, whom shall remain nameless, and I found myself coveting their lifestyle. It's not that I want their stuff, its not my "style", I just want the ability to take a romantic weekend away with my husband. I mean, we are newly weds, aren't we supposed to spend the first year of marriage fritting about and taking a few long weekends, enjoying us? I see people getting bigger places, and look at my crammed one bedroom apartment, overflowing STILL with unpacked boxes, wishing it were a two bedroom. I see people buying new furniture, and I look at the two couches, and dinning room set Matt and I have, all free, all older than we are. I see people planing vacations, and I'm looking at our bank account trying to figure out what two people could do for less than $400 if we can even save that much. I'm not saying all of this to have a pity party or to try and make people feel sorry for me. I honestly am so very thankful that Matt and I have all we do. We took a total leap of faith when we got married with no job security because it was what God called us to, I just want more...

I feel guilty for wanting more. Whenever I get like this, I look at the pictures I have from Kenya. Of people who have literally nothing. I am reminded that I really should be thankful. God has blessed me with an amazing husband, who loves me and would do nearly anything to make me happy. I job, that I LOVE serving in a local church teaching Jesus to kids. I have so much to be thankful for, it is sometimes hard for me to not secretly want a new wardrobe, to be able to go out to a nice dinner with my husband, to be able to fix our car and put money in our savings account.

For now, this is where God has us, and I am reminded to be thankful for all I have, to be joyful for those who have more, and to pray for those who need more.

Is it wrong to want this blog to be meaningful? I do, but I'm not quite sure how to do it. *sigh, life is crazy and I don't have time to put a ton of effort into this, but at the same time, I guess I want more than I can put it, which I know isn't possible. I feel like I'm just living life, nothing fun/exciting or anything like that. Just living life, moving 100 mph and not actually connecting with anyone. I feel as if my friendships are drifting away slowly, like my friends are all at an arms length. Matt and I never get invited anywhere anymore. We host a game night once a week, and that is good for connecting, and we have our life group which is also good. I just feel like the deeper relationships aren't happening and its frustrating me to no end. Just my little rant, about life going to fast, and reminding myself that I need to slow down and invest my time in the right things. If I don't plan to do it, it wont happen...

Wind in my sails

God's word is my strength when I have none, my encouragement when all seems bleak, it is the truth that all truth is from.

Psalm 40:1-3

¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

² He lifted me out of the slimy pit,

out of the mud and mire;

he set my feet on a rock

and gave me a firm place to stand.

³ He put a new song in my mouth,

a hymn of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear

and put their trust in the LORD.

This is in specific regards to my post earlier this week. God is good. I have so much going on in my ministry it is exciting that whenever I get discouraged, God gives me what I need to go on. I know that I am where God has called me, and that is exciting!

Blogging

Prompt from Tabitha's blog for a cool giveaway: Tell me about a time when blogging changed your life...

Do you remember when you were a kid, and you did an art project? Regardless of how awkward it looked, your mother would look at it and tell you that it was the best picture she had ever seen. It didn't matter if your horse looked more like a shoe, or if your house looked like a monkey, your art was good. As a kid, you could draw anything you wanted, you could fearlessly create, knowing that your mom would love it.

I still love to be creative, but one can't get away with shoe's for horses and get someone to tell you your picture looks good at the age of 23. You see, I love to sing and write lyrics, but none are "good enough" to be more than mere journal entries and my voice is causes those sitting near me in church on Sundays to scoot a bit further away. I love to paint and create art, but it ends up looking like an elementary kid did it, and is not something that should be hung anywhere except maybe my mom's fridge. I love to be crafty and do things like scrapbook, quilt, sew, etc, yet each of these endeavors never measures up to the grand image I have in my head of what they are "supposed" to look like. Most of all, I love to write. I have secret dreams of becoming an author. Being given enough inspiration to write something that will be meaningful to people. Something that would make a difference, something that would help others in some way. I feel like I can express myself through words, it is a talent however I feel I do not have. I have always had a journal/diary/blog and been able to write as much as I wanted. Most of my blog posts over the years have been private because I either was uncomfortable sharing what was going on with others, or I feared that my blogging material was "inadequate" or would be a boar for my friends to read.

I have had this blog for almost 5 years now and publicly haven't done much with it. Before this I had a livejournal, a xanga and other online blogy type things where I would share my thoughts and experiences in life with friends, and they would comment on them. At some point, I stopped because people either stopped reading/commenting/caring about what I wrote. I mean I'm only 23, when I write about my life, only those close to me would care. When I write about my experiences, I am not eloquent enough to have followers, I used to feel that if no one was reading it, there was no point to putting it out there. Then something happened. I don't know if it was a sudden or a gradual realization, but all of the sudden I realized that my blog was for me. It didn't matter if no one read it, it was for me. It was for me to express myself however "good" or "bad" the blog was by other's standards doesn't matter. This blog is my outlet to be creative, something I love to do, something that gives me joy.

Blogging changed me, it made me realize that doing your best and putting it out for the world to see is something for me. It is my outlet, and my canvas to make whatever I want happen. Making this realization in blogging has helped open my eyes to other things that I feel I'm "not good at" and to not be scared of them. It has helped give me back the fearless attitude I had as a kid, and I'm better for it.

what is this?

Warning, rambling feelings that I'm trying to process ahead, proceed with caution, and don't read too much into them, just sending it out into the world...

I'm in a funk... I don't know what it is or how to shake it. I have a lack of motivation, a lack of caring. I still want to do things, I just feel like I have no energy to do them, it is a very frustrating thing for me. I feel like sleeping more than I should, I want to do nothing, literally nothing! I still love my life, love my job, my husband, etc... I just wish I knew where this feeling was coming from and how to make it go away. I have the desire to do other things, its the I want to do ______ but when it comes time to do it, all of the sudden its gone. *sigh. I want out of this funk. I want back to my normal life, where I'm full of energy and ready to do anything. I'm sure it will pass, I am still able to get done what needs to be done... I just wish I had more motivation. What is this feeling?

Wedding Day- fun pictures

So I finally married the love of my life on September 5th 2009. The day started pretty early for me as my hair appointment was at 7:30. We then went to the wedding venue Woodhaven Country club, and started the rest of the getting ready process. Miss Alexa did my makeup

Then I got to get into my beautiful wedding gown... which had been sitting in a closet for nearly the entire 2+ year engagement!

I had real buttons on it, so my girls had to button them all up, it was really great to have so many wonderful friends around me as I was getting ready.

Here is a close up shot of my train, garter and shoes. Yes I wore flip-flops!

A glamor shot of my dress, this is why I love it, look at the back!

FINALLY the time came, and my daddy got to walk me down the aisle to Star wars... all of Matt's friends thought I was the coolest! Don't worry I took the pretty part from the ceremony at the end of the 6th and cut if off before the them song started. :)

We were blessed to have my boss, and pastor Mark do the ceremony for us. It was really simple and sweet.
Both Matt and I REALLY enjoyed this part. Lol, I was so not expecting him to be so passionate! We both decided that our favorite part of the wedding was being pronounced man and wife, and then hearing the applause and cheers from our family and friends as we were presented.
We had the MOST AWESOME cake ever! There were hidden Mickey's on it!
Here is one of the portrait pics...
We ate...
Danced...
and RAN FOR IT!
We are now enjoying our happily after.

All of these pictures were captured by the amazing Katie McGiohn!

Formal shots coming soon!

2010 wow!

I know I have completely neglected this blog! Here is a quick update of the last few months as well as a few goals for the next year:

August: Was crazy planing for and prepping for the amazing wedding that I have been waiting so long to have. Matt started to move into the apartment, and honestly, it was a complete blur full of wedding crazies and unfortunately some wedding drama, but I suppose that can never be avoided.

September: I married the man of my dreams. After nearly 3 years together we finally got married and got to go on our honeymoon. I will be posting a full wedding details list later, as well as a few honeymoon pictures.

October: Was full of October Blast planing, and trying to get back into ministry after a week honeymoon and trying to settle into a routine of being married, working full time, and being involved in many things. It was fun and went way too fast!

November: Started the rush of the holidays as well as a very important event, I became "Pastor of Children's Ministries". I am now a licensed pastor! It is what God has called me to and I'm very excited about it!

December: Christmas was crazy, honestly it really went from the week before Thanksgiving to the week after Christmas. We spent tons of time with family, and most of our time in LA/OC it was crazy! Also, Matt's mom got good news of being able to take a 6-12 month break from chemo! A huge blessing and Christmas present for her!

Honestly the last few months have been such a blur, I'm loving being married to the love of my life it is honestly the most amazing thing ever!

A few goals for the new year (in random order with little detail):

• Become a blogger by posting to this blog and my other ministry blog at least 2x's a month, plus my work blog 1x a week
• Become healthier by working out and eating better
• Become more organized by devoting time to organizing 1x a week
• Become a better Christ-follower by going deeper in my walk and sticking to my "JAM" times
• Become a better wife, friend, pastor and person by developing my character and being open to criticism, and DOING something about it.
• Become more disciplined in all areas of my life.

Maybe once I build my blog up a bit more, I'll start sharing the link with more people but until then, the few people who still check this... stay with me, more WILL be coming... even though this is like the 3rd time I've said that. LOL!

So as someone who typically blogs/journals, (mostly the later) it seems insane that I have not in so long. It is in times of extreme stress and craziness that I need to write, but have difficulty finding the time to do so. There are many things I wish to process all with so many different topics, some are very short, and others are very long. So here is my goal, between now and my wedding I am going to blog about the following:

*Summer Blast

*Church and community

*VBS- the why

*Wedding updates (2-3ish)

*Why I love Matt and am going to marry him

I have several more that I would LOVE to process, however I don’t want to make my return to blogging to daunting of a task so close to the wedding. As for now, I will leave you all with a brief update of my life the last few months.

*I am the Children’s director of a wonderful church called Desert Springs.

*I am getting married to Matt on September 5^th after over 2 years of being engaged

*I am living in an apartment on my own in which I will soon have a permanent roommate

*I am living in the desert, after swearing to never move here again… *sigh

*I am LOVING where God has me and am so thankful to be here, even when its rough.

*I miss all of my wonderful Biola friends

*God is good, always

God is good

I can't believe all that God has done in my life the past year. One year ago, I was living in whittier, working at Disney trying to figure out if I should get my teaching credentials because there was no way I was going back to ministry.

Then:

July - I was getting very few hours at Disney and a friend of mine from Biola was hired at a church in my home town...

August - My mom fell twice and broke two

bones, I came home to help her while my dad was gone...

September - I ended up subbing for my mom and staying in the desert Monday - Friday going to visit Matt every weekend

October - I decided to go for a teaching program and enrolled in the Chapman program in the Desert, and gave notice in my apartment in Whittier, and bought my 1st Mac, I will never go back!

November - I started helping out a little bit with my friend from Biola's jr. High group, Matt started working in Porterville Monday - Friday and I was in the desert more full time.

December - Matt and I decided that by next Christmas we would be married.

January - Matt's mom got diagnosed with Breast Cancer (originally we were told stage one and found out later in the month that it was stage 4) This was a very bitter month for me as i was frustrated with life, and where God had me, as I worked to seek Him, I slowly found peace and a "wait" feeling

February - Matt and I hit 2 years of being engaged, I continued my teaching program and trying to figure out what to do with my life. I went to Winter camp with the Jr. High group and began to help more often with them.

March - At the end of the month, I found out that the Children's position at the church I had been volunteering at was opening, that day I turned in my resume and my life changed.

April - On the 1st I was hired as the Interim director of Children's Ministry at Desert Springs Church. Matt and I decided to get married sooner than later.

May - I moved into my own 1 bed apartment and fell in love with ministry again. Matt and I set a wedding date of Sepember 5th 2009

which brings me to...

June - I am now officially the Director of Children's Ministry at Desert Springs Church. Matt passed his CHP interview and I am busy wedding planing. Matt's mom is still fighting the cancer, but has a positive outlook. God has seriously been blessing me like crazy right now. I am at a place in my life where even though things are spinning around me, I know that I am where I'm supposed to be. It is so far from 1 year ago, but I know that my heart was made for ministry, it was just in God's timing for it to happen at the right place. I am so thankful for that and the opportunity to serve God in the church teaching His kids. It is absolutely amazing.

Finally a blog!

So I finally got a CAMERA!!! SOOO excited about this fact! I spent my tax rebate money on it, and had so much fun with it at winter camp. I just got back from Jr. High winter camp with Desert Springs. I had so much fun with all these girls

They are all amazing gals, this was our themed dinner of mismatched.

So I love, love, love ministry. This weekend totally reaffirmed this in me. I got no sleep, ate enough junk food to last 3 life times, threw tons of snowballs, cried/prayed with hurting girls, sang songs, acted in a silly skit.

A highlight:

The DEEP amazing SNOW

my foot sunk into past knee deep

There was also an amazing Zip line

and tube run

The speaker was amazing. ALL of my girls were in tears, they were absolutely touched by the power of God. The theme was Misplaced, and it discussed how we have "misplaced" our hope in other things, rather than God. I am so thankful that God is in charge and moved! I pray that these girls will continue to put their hope in God. Such an AMAZING weekend, I am so exhausted, but it was totally worth it. More to come later, now that I can post pics again! :)

I know I don't write like I should...

So much has happened in my life. God is stretching me so much right now, its to a point where I feel like I'm going to snap. I am so thankful for Matt, I know he feels so helpless in this situation right now. I am so thankful that he will sit next to me, hold me and then pray for me. What a huge blessing in my life. I sit here with my cup of noodles, wondering how and when God is going to provide for me. I know He will, its not a question of that, it is when and how. It also is a matter of will I let Him. I am so proud, I hate admitting I need help. I hate admitting that if I don't find a second job or a better one soon, I will be forced to move home and live with my parents. I will be forced to make a new life for myself back where I grew up and will be far away from the people i love who support me the most. I don't know if that's God's plan... to force me to move home. Or if He just wants me to trust him. I'm so mixed right now, and I'm so ... *le sighhhhhhhh* I have no idea what is going on and I'm just trusting and praying and praying and trusting and I"m not sure what He will do, which is always scary. Please pray for me, as God is pulling me and molding me and I feel as if I am barely holding on. Yet I know that He will be there to catch me if I can't.

How would you live it...

Would the actions of your daily life change, if there were hidden camera's everywhere and that footage would be broadcasted throughout the world?

Sometimes I wish reality TV were actually real. I wish that I had a camera following me around, examining my every word, action and reaction to life. How much better would I behave? What in my life would change if I knew that my words would come back to the person I said looked fat in that dress? What about the dirty look I gave behind my mom's back after she asked me to do something I didn't want to do? All these little things that we think we do in secret. What would happen if they were broadcasted for all to see? Would we loose friendships? Would we be seen as a different person? Would we change how we act?

How we act when we think no one is looking is an indicator of our hearts condition. It is our true self, and how we really feel. Here is the kicker. Not only does God see all of these little things we do, he actually sees the condition of our heart. He actually knows all of the dirty thoughts and feelings that cause these little expressions. Personally, my heart is hard, and I am a sinner, and if people saw these little things I do and say, they most likely wouldn't care for me any more. Let alone if they knew what my wicked heart was actually thinking. God knows all of these things, and still LOVES ME! God loves me regardless of all the wickedness that is in my heart. He forgives me and wants to make me a better person. God knows all the little wicked areas of my life that I would much rather forget about and ignore. Because he loves me, he shows them to me, and helps me work on them. He is like my reality TV cameras, except so much better, because he is on my side giving me strength and knows me better than I know myself.

So comming back worked well

So me and returning to blog spot didn't really happen... I think I'm going to change this into a me working out my thoughts and beliefs on socity and what is going on in the world as well as movie reviews and things of that nature, not so much personal stuff and more stuff random people in cyberspace would want to read... or maybe I will start an entirely new blog to do that and leave this more personal.. not sure yet, but here are some awesome and recent photo's of Matt and I and then my graduation....

So I think I'm back to stay

This is my new favorite picture in the world... Thanks to my amazing FMIL who is awesome with a camera!




I have decided that I need to document the next year of my life for many reasons.

1) I am horrible at keeping a journal, but I love going back and seeing what God has done in my life

2) I love pictures, and want to stay in contact with everyone now that I am not in college.

3) This is my last year as a single crazy girl

4) I need space to create and make my own...



Be patient with me as this is a work in progress...



For starters... my amazing night tonight.

We played pictionary and BANG. This is the original Monday night game crew. We had a reunion tonight, because Mike and Katherine were back for Christmas from Co. I forgot how much I missed game nights. They are a great time to relax and have lots of fun with friends. Plus you get amazing inside jokes like cheese broccoli pizza. :)

Christmas

And now Christmas was fun, my grandparents from Chicago were in... this is Matt and I with them in front of our tree...

Matt got me this amazing necklace, which I absolutely LOVE! :) Thanks Matt!